How to Deal with Your Dickhead Relatives at Thanksgiving

Life-saving advice from Peter Dean

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Qué Onda Güero? – A Thorough Evisceration of the Mexican “Bistro”

Is there any quicker way to tell if your neighborhood Mexican restaurant is bullshit than if the food there is described as zesty? How about chalkboard wall menus detailing various brunch specials? Or perhaps the mere presence of brunch specials at all? For what purpose are there rotating taps of craft beer? Surely we all know at this point that Modelo is the only acceptable non-margarita beverage for Mexican cuisine. Look around you. Is that an all-white wait staff? I guess she’s kind of tan—nope, nope. This place is boojie as fuck. Taco Tuesday used to mean something, dammit!

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Dimly Lit Food – Burrito & Burrito & Omelet Superslam

Welcome to a new column here on this site, a step by step recipe guide on how to prepare delicious and (sometimes healthy) meals while perpetually broke. My last submission was just me following the directions on a standard package of ramen and got rejected immediately, so this time I decided to up my game. It took me a few beers to think of what to make and then, when I came up with the idea, I realized I didn’t have the ingredients. So I decided to just scrounge for what I had in the kitchen anyway. I’ll level with you, I had gone out to the grocery store a few days ago but I just didn’t want to go again. After sleeping in my own indolence until noon I had no desire to start being productive. I did however wish to eat, which is how you get:

TWO MEALS IN ONE!!!!

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