Damn, 2017, You Wild! – 6 Updates To Last Year’s Stories

Either through changes in US laws, previously unearthed information, or stuff we just straight up got wrong – these are the stories that we had to revise.


Well the internet’s a dang mess, innit? It seems like every day there’s some online news organization fucking up in fresh and impressive ways. Whether it’s The New York Times hiring a climate change denierNPR citing anti-Muslim extremists as experts on Iran, or whatever frothing butthole sounds Vox is making this time, it would appear that the #resistance is trying their hardest to turn Trump’s fake news claims into a sound defense.

And hey, just because we don’t have a budget, a staff, or any sort of journalistic scruples to note doesn’t mean that Vegan Dogfood should be held any less accountable if one of our stories lays a turd. It’s like our new not-in-the-least-bit-sanctimonious slogan that I just thought up says: “Democracy Dies in Darkness”

So with that, here are the six stories we updated for the summer of 2017, with links to their original articles.

Continue reading “Damn, 2017, You Wild! – 6 Updates To Last Year’s Stories”

The Unenviable Task of Explaining How The Punisher is Actually Cool

Just so you know, this isn’t gonna be a ‘WOW THE PUNISHER IS COOL, YOU REMEMBER THE TIME HE RENTED A JETSKI?!’ sort of comics piece.


It’s mostly just an anti-cop polemic.  ACAB. Anyways, let’s get started.

How to defend The Punisher…

Continue reading “The Unenviable Task of Explaining How The Punisher is Actually Cool”

12 Things That Are Okay on the Last Day of a Music Festival

Illustrated by Nate McDonough

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5 Things My Bratty Cousin Gets Wrong about Drug Testing for Government Assistance

Scientists have recently found a correlation in the brain patterns of teenagers and republicans. As it turns out, conservatives tend to have larger amygdala, the parts of the brain responsible for the majority of our survival instincts like fear and disgust, but also community and emotion. While people on the left generally have a more defined anterior cingulate cortex, the brain region most closely associated with coping, delayed gratification, and the ability to look at multiple solutions. This also happens to be the region of our brain that matures the slowest—not fully formed until age 25 or so—mainly due to the inherent dangers our species faced before this failed social contract of ours.

So in order for early humans to stay alive long enough to have children of their own, their brains needed to be hyper aware of anything that could potentially kill them; anything that could sap their resources; and all of the things that could take away their stuff. It’s not until we reach adulthood that the grey matter in our brains expands and the constant fight-or-flight triggers presumably subside.

Still, even though we can pinpoint the evolutionary and developmental reasons why, it doesn’t stop me from telling my nineteen year old cousin to go to hell when she passes around some Change.org petition to drug test those in need of federal aid. Here are five reasons Megan needs to shut the fuck up! Continue reading “5 Things My Bratty Cousin Gets Wrong about Drug Testing for Government Assistance”

I Microdosed for My Last Week at a Failing Startup

For two years I sat behind a desk at one of those ultra-trendy, twenty-teen’s web startups.

You know, the kind that you ride your longboard to and from. The kind where you “work hard and play hard”. The kind with paychecks that you use to buy ugly dressers at Restoration Hardware. Recently the company fell on hard times and I was let go, with the option of staying on for an extra week to finish up some projects. Uncertain of my financial future, I went home, drank a 40 oz. of King Cobra—as is mandatory when you get fired from any job—and plotted out what the next few months would mean. That’s when I remembered the tinfoil in my freezer with 2 ½ hits of the world’s gnarliest acid wrapped inside. Continue reading “I Microdosed for My Last Week at a Failing Startup”