Qué Onda Güero? – A Thorough Evisceration of the Mexican “Bistro”

Is there any quicker way to tell if your neighborhood Mexican restaurant is bullshit than if the food there is described as zesty? How about chalkboard wall menus detailing various brunch specials? Or perhaps the mere presence of brunch specials at all? For what purpose are there rotating taps of craft beer? Surely we all know at this point that Modelo is the only acceptable non-margarita beverage for Mexican cuisine. Look around you. Is that an all-white wait staff? I guess she’s kind of tan—nope, nope. This place is boojie as fuck. Taco Tuesday used to mean something, dammit!

Continue reading “Qué Onda Güero? – A Thorough Evisceration of the Mexican “Bistro””

The 5 Real Reasons Pokemon Go Sucks

Woah now, put those @’s away and hear me out for a sec, yeah? I’m not just another one of those self-loathing Millennials. On the contrary, I was memorizing the Pokedex long after most people my age were learning about investment portfolios and how to overpay for grilled cheese. To me, Pokemon has always been an amazing concept—vastly superior to sports or hour-long dramas—so trust me when I say that this critique comes from a place of true concern.  Continue reading “The 5 Real Reasons Pokemon Go Sucks”

I Microdosed for My Last Week at a Failing Startup

For two years I sat behind a desk at one of those ultra-trendy, twenty-teen’s web startups.

You know, the kind that you ride your longboard to and from. The kind where you “work hard and play hard”. The kind with paychecks that you use to buy ugly dressers at Restoration Hardware. Recently the company fell on hard times and I was let go, with the option of staying on for an extra week to finish up some projects. Uncertain of my financial future, I went home, drank a 40 oz. of King Cobra—as is mandatory when you get fired from any job—and plotted out what the next few months would mean. That’s when I remembered the tinfoil in my freezer with 2 ½ hits of the world’s gnarliest acid wrapped inside. Continue reading “I Microdosed for My Last Week at a Failing Startup”