Naming those RARE occurrences when someone else’s desire to make money actually turned out sweet.
The perfectly idealized person should have no use for any possessions that are not vital to one’s existence. I could probably find some douchebag Nietzsche quote to back that up if you wanted me to but I think we’re beyond that as a society, yeah? Still, even the staunchest proponents of minimalism find themselves with at least a few extra accouterments taking up space in their geodesic dome/tiny house/place where they’ve been exploiting squatting rights laws for the past six years. I have named those rare occurrences, when the superficial actually turns out (begrudgingly) awesome, White Hat Capitalism.
Just so you know, this isn’t gonna be a ‘WOW THE PUNISHER IS COOL, YOU REMEMBER THE TIME HE RENTED A JETSKI?!’ sort of comics piece.
It’s mostly just an anti-cop polemic. ACAB. Anyways, let’s get started.
How to defend The Punisher…
Why all award shows are demoralizing mind rot.
Remember when someone took twelve years to make a movie and it was just okay? I mean, it still won all of the awards it was supposed to—this industry is too mathematical for it not to—but I have to disagree with the folks over at Roger “we gave Gigli three stars” Ebert dot com’s assessment of Boyhood as “indescribably moving.” And not just because calling a thing indescribable is, itself, technically a type of description.*
Can you imagine the decade-long boner that this director had to have for himself, though? Just going to bed every night, knowing that in ten years he would be blindly issued a rubber stamp of approval by the fucking Methuselahs who vote on this shit. That all he needed to do was show up with a camera every so often and pay Coldplay some royalties. Think about the 4,383 days he spent believing he’s creating this haterproof time capsule, and that anyone who doesn’t want to look like an uncultured knave would have to nod along because it’s indescribably fucking moving!
Images: Nate McDonough/Grixly.com
Everyone you know and like is married / moved in with their significant other. What now?
The odds of your friend’s partner being as cool as they are seem kinda slim. Out of the thousands of people you’ve met in life, there’s a minute fraction of a percentage you’re ready to call friend. The best case scenario seems to be that your friends find someone who you get along and has good jokes. That shit is RARE.
I remember the pathetically excessive amount of energy I put into getting a girlfriend when I was younger. After a while it started to seem like dating someone and being single are both nice enough. The sum pros and cons of each, though different seem equivalent. I turned 29 a week ago. Since middle school, the energy I put into convincing girls to date me just ebbed away. Now that energy goes into woo-ing my old friends into hanging out with me. Different situations require different approaches. Though I imagine there’s plenty of overlap between them, here are my ten archetypes and maybe a suggestion on how to see that old pal of yours again.
Continue reading “Sour Grapes – The Nine Types of Couples You Lost Your Friend To (And What to Do Now)”
Here they are – the 40 absolute best comic book covers of all time.
Please know up front that I made certain to look at and consider the cover of every comic book ever and if it’s not on this list then it’s bad, okay?
When narrowing down the expanse of the untold millions of funny books published, I was considering what was pleasing to the eye up close and from a distance, what covers made me stop dead in my tracks the first time I saw them and what covers glow in the dark. No glow in the dark covers are on this list. There’s just no way to enjoy them properly on the screen of your device, but please know they’re the only things that really matter to me. They are my children.
There are comics that are full of bullshit that I will own forever because I think the cover is too cool to toss. We’re talking comics that are almost impossible to read from front to back. If you’re curious, those particular comics will be marked with an asterisk next to their title.
Another question I had kept in mind while assembling this list was “What sort of portrait do these selections paint of your character Nate McDonough? Do you look like an insane person?” So that’s why we’re leading off with…
A review by Jack Labrecque
If you were to take a sample of the world’s greatest human minds — Albert Einstein, Martin Luther King Jr, Paul Rudd — you will notice an overlying feature shared by all of them. Is it kindness? Sincerity? General altruism? No. These things are dwarfed in comparison to the one stark truth, the one glaringly awe striking similarity in this little Venn diagram of awesomeness. That one trait, friends, is CHARM.
Our specialists have been hard at work to quantify the charm element so that we can better understand and utilize it. We’ll be reporting those findings in a series on the top ten most charming shit ever made. This week’s most charming list: The Most Charming Hip Hop Samples Ever Used.
Images: Nate McDonough/Grixly.com
A visual guide to just the worst dudes
With the explosion of Marvel blockbusters and the paradoxically popular Big Bang Theory, it’s never been a better time to be a nerd. Couple that with the fact that Demi Lovato cured bullying in 2014 and you have the recipe for a geek renaissance! Yes, the current pop culture landscape has allowed for even the grossest neckbeards to crawl out of their caves. However, not all nerds are created equal and some are to be avoided at all costs. If only there were a completely unfair, yet infallible, system by which we could differentiate harmless loners from the grown adults calling middle schoolers racial slurs on Xbox Live…
And while we’re no strangers to hopeless nerdery ourselves, you really have to draw the line somewhere. So sign out of that Smallville forum and peep our list of the worst offenders, starting with:
Continue reading “What Do These 12 Superhero T-Shirts Say About You?”