Images: Nate McDonough/Grixly.com
Everyone you know and like is married / moved in with their significant other. What now?
The odds of your friend’s partner being as cool as they are seem kinda slim. Out of the thousands of people you’ve met in life, there’s a minute fraction of a percentage you’re ready to call friend. The best case scenario seems to be that your friends find someone who you get along and has good jokes. That shit is RARE.
I remember the pathetically excessive amount of energy I put into getting a girlfriend when I was younger. After a while it started to seem like dating someone and being single are both nice enough. The sum pros and cons of each, though different seem equivalent. I turned 29 a week ago. Since middle school, the energy I put into convincing girls to date me just ebbed away. Now that energy goes into woo-ing my old friends into hanging out with me. Different situations require different approaches. Though I imagine there’s plenty of overlap between them, here are my ten archetypes and maybe a suggestion on how to see that old pal of yours again.
Continue reading “Sour Grapes – The Nine Types of Couples You Lost Your Friend To (And What to Do Now)”
Here they are – the 40 absolute best comic book covers of all time.
Please know up front that I made certain to look at and consider the cover of every comic book ever and if it’s not on this list then it’s bad, okay?
When narrowing down the expanse of the untold millions of funny books published, I was considering what was pleasing to the eye up close and from a distance, what covers made me stop dead in my tracks the first time I saw them and what covers glow in the dark. No glow in the dark covers are on this list. There’s just no way to enjoy them properly on the screen of your device, but please know they’re the only things that really matter to me. They are my children.
There are comics that are full of bullshit that I will own forever because I think the cover is too cool to toss. We’re talking comics that are almost impossible to read from front to back. If you’re curious, those particular comics will be marked with an asterisk next to their title.
Another question I had kept in mind while assembling this list was “What sort of portrait do these selections paint of your character Nate McDonough? Do you look like an insane person?” So that’s why we’re leading off with…
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If you were to take a sample of the world’s greatest human minds — Albert Einstein, Martin Luther King Jr, Paul Rudd — you will notice an overlying feature shared by all of them. Is it kindness? Sincerity? General altruism? No. These things are dwarfed in comparison to the one stark truth, the one glaringly awe striking similarity in this little Venn diagram of awesomeness. That one trait, friends, is CHARM.
Our specialists have been hard at work to quantify the charm element so that we can better understand and utilize it. We’ll be reporting those findings in a series on the top ten most charming shit ever made. This week’s most charming list: The Most Charming Hip Hop Samples Ever Used.
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Images: Nate McDonough/Grixly.com
A visual guide to just the worst dudes
With the explosion of Marvel blockbusters and the paradoxically popular Big Bang Theory, it’s never been a better time to be a nerd. Couple that with the fact that Demi Lovato cured bullying in 2014 and you have the recipe for a geek renaissance! Yes, the current pop culture landscape has allowed for even the grossest neckbeards to crawl out of their caves. However, not all nerds are created equal and some are to be avoided at all costs. If only there were a completely unfair, yet infallible, system by which we could differentiate harmless loners from the grown adults calling middle schoolers racial slurs on Xbox Live…
And while we’re no strangers to hopeless nerdery ourselves, you really have to draw the line somewhere. So sign out of that Smallville forum and peep our list of the worst offenders, starting with:
Continue reading “What Do These 12 Superhero T-Shirts Say About You?”
Image: James Porter
No. No your toilet paper is not killing you. Let’s just get that out of the way up front.
I don’t think it’s even looking at you funny. Sorry for the clickbait title, but ‘when in Rome’ and all of that. Real talk, big picture, it probably is killing you in some insidious, climate change way. What isn’t killing you, amirite? Still, if your sanitary tissue is hiding some murderous secret, I don’t know about it, and it’s not why I baited you into reading my rant anyway. No, today I’d like to talk about something else your toilet paper is not doing: it is NOT cleaning your butthole, you disgusting, feces encrusted animal.
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A commie bastard’s guide to navigating workplace treachery.
Greetings, comrade! Pull up a seat and stay for a while, won’t you? I know it can be taxing promulgating the ideals of Marx and Weber to the bootlicking masses—wage slaves, eerily content under the crushing weight of a capitalist leviathan, easily placated by mantras of picking themselves up by the bootstraps (boy, we communists sure enjoy a strangely boot-centric lexicon, don’t we?) Well, fear not! Vegan Dogfood is a safe space for all proles to commiserate.
We, like you, would like nothing more than to overthrow a system that perpetually invents ever-changing constructs meant to devalue your ideas and commodify your labor. Also, like you, we’ll still be clocking in for our awful day jobs tomorrow and paying off our cars. But hey, just because nobody’s occupying this or that anymore doesn’t mean we have to take it all lying down! Throughout this article you will find a list of malicious workplace situations and their corresponding defenses for that next time you find yourself on the business end of your place of business.
Continue reading “How Not to Get Screwed if You Have to Work for The Man”
We are living in the Golden Age of TV. That is, if you’re some cornball who actually talks like that. Yes, while every hour long tragicomedy that graces the silver screen isn’t necessarily the life-changing mega event that people might have you believe, television as a whole is just a lot better than it was last decade. You guys do remember when TV used to just suck, right? It got so bad that we started to grade shows on a curve—hence, Lost.
We seem to have the opposite problem now though. Because each new show that comes out has a writer attached who used to work on Breaking Bad, we just assume it’s going to be worth watching for a whole eighty hours of our lives. It’s kind of like how an artist would get recognized by the Louvre for one painting and then, whatever he’d throw together next, museums would just exhibit that shit anyway, even if it was a literal toilet.
The trend of binge-watching doesn’t seem to be helping much either. Think about it. Instead of having a week in between each installment to ruminate on whether or not that thing you just watched had any actual value, you are presented with the instant gratification of the next episode with no time to assess the show’s merits. Well, not until Netflix reminds you of your crippling ennui, of course. And so, much like Netflix, when it comes to these five shows I have to ask: Are you STILL watching??
Continue reading “The 5 Most Overrated TV Shows and What You Should Be Watching Instead”